Ensifer

I just wanted an excuse to use the image above in my blog. And what better excuse than to have a blog entry about fun in Scientology as opposed to the standard fare of anger, depression, failed purposes, dead OT’s, scheming private eyes, refund cycles and bickering over whether there really is such a thing as a spirit or if the whole subject is just a money-making scheme gone crazy.

So how about I talk about what made being a part of Scientology fun? Up until it wasn’t fun anymore.

From my earliest experiences at the Dallas Center, being a part of a Scientology group was exciting due to the fact that my mother and Red Shea, along with all the adults in the group, loved to party. When I stayed with her (usually holidays and the summer break) it seemed like every week-end was a party week-end. Back yard BBQ parties, indoor parties, costume parties – which they named “Come as your favorite valence” parties – or just hip get-togethers where we all listened to Dave Brubeck on Norm Mehr’s awesome hi-fi set-up and smoked and everyone talked about thetans and implants and intoxicating subjects like out-of-body traveling or what 8-C really meant.

That picture there on the left is a fine example of why a young kid might want to hang out with a bunch of crazy weirdos like Scientologists. How cool is that? A pirate! Forget for a moment that pirates didn’t actually wear flip-flops or nice wristwatches… Red looked the part. And he was, after all, a Chief Engineer and certified Master of all Seas who made his real money running massive oil tankers from the Arabian oil fields to the USA.

It’s as if the fun never stopped when you became a part of the Scientology groups I was familiar with. Whether in Dallas or during my time in St. Louis or over at Saint Hill, back in Boston, out in Los Angeles at ASHO, there always seemed to be something happening where people got together… usually involving beer, wine, whiskey and the outside chance of some late night interlude with a comely Scientology lass.

My apologies to anyone offended by me mentioning that in the “Old Scientology” people actually got laid without some humorless ethics officer getting involved. To be really honest… in the Scientology of the 60’s and 70’s we all fucked like rabbits. Which may, in part, explain why so many kids are in the Sea Org… the spawn of the 70s’, so to speak.

Reading about how things are now it appears that sex outside of marriage is either frowned upon or heavily policed by Scientology salespeople and FSM’s to ensure that money that ought to be going to the church isn’t being spent on off-purpose things… like dinner and drinks, or lingerie.

So back to the parties and fun part of being a Scientologist.  I don’t want to give the impression that getting together to drink, smoke, dance and do crazy stuff was the main attraction of Scientology for those of us in the “Baby Boomer” generation. But think about it… Scientology exploded in that 1968-1975 era and the main components were young people in their late teens and early 20’s. Thousands of us. And we actually liked the generation that preceded us into the fray. We enjoyed their company. Another example of old people partying? Here ya go –

I have no idea who the guy in the shirt with the billowy sleeves is, but does it look to you like he has a scarf in his mouth? What’s that all about?

Over in England, at Saint Hill, there was a party every week-end. Actually, there were so many that you had to choose. I went to parties in 300 year-old houses that were haunted or parties where really shitty bands played shitty music in a truly shitty fashion. But it was fun and we smoked and drank warm beer and saw ghosts flitting around in the trees. Then out in Los Angeles it was truly crazy fun. Beach parties, parties in the Hollywood Hills or the old-style Scientology events that didn’t involve a bunch of stone-faced staff members and Sea Org people hell-bent on keeping the riff-raff out while simultaneously ensuring that nobody left without writing a check.

And what about the original Celebrity Center? Any of you people remember that one? It was in a crumbling brick building down on 8th street in LA. Party central! Whether it was Chick Corea or Stanley Clarke performing or everyone chatting up John Travolta – who was just getting known as Vinny Barbarino from his hit TV show – anyone could just walk in, start dancing or talking, hitting on girls (or guys, if you were a girl… or a guy who leaned that way) and just enjoying the hell out of being a part of something as cool as Scientology.

In fact, thinking about Celebrity Center, one of the most memorable performances I have ever been privileged to see was at that old building. One night Heber Jentzsch performed and even though it was 40 years ago I can still see and hear his magnificent performance. For those who never actually met Heber, or didn’t know him before his rise to fame and then ultimate disappearance, Heber has a powerful, powerful voice. As I recall he was one of several Scientologists around LA in that period who had acted in the movie ‘Paint Your Wagon’ and I think he can be seen singing in that movie. So anyway, Heber apparently was a lover of American Traditional songs from the turn of the century…. not this century, the last one. He sung one song that I knew from growing up and he did the best rendition I have ever heard. Even now, writing this, I can hear his incredible voice hitting the plaintive wail of a backwoods hick lamenting the passing of his Ol’ Dog Blue.

Man. Why is that guy not enjoying his life, grand kids on his knee and passing along the richness of his experience to them? Where the hell is Heber?

I actually went and tried to find a version of the song that Heber sung that night that came close to his performance. Even with YouTube and millions upon millions of people singing and videoing and uploading, none of them are within 100 miles of his talent. Well, maybe this recording from about 80 years ago is close, but as the line goes in the song ” Ol’ Blue’s voice was big and round”… it was Heber who had the ‘big and round’ voice. Listen, if you have 3 minutes, to this classic version –

When I finally decided to quit working for other people and open my own Scientology Center the tradition of fun continued. We had plenty of party events at the Center in Fresno, and not just holiday parties. Although we put those on as well. Sure, we were in the business of selling Scientology training, auditing and books, that’s a given. But it’s not as if we were only servicing an emotionally depressed clientele who just wanted to come in and find a way to claw themselves up out of some overwhelming suicidal hole they were dug into. I think one of the reasons we did so well and made good money and produced those all-important ‘stats’ was that we were having a great time. And not just the staff either. Everyone was invited to join in the fun.

So we did our own ‘come as your favorite valence’ parties where people wore costumes, booze was served and prizes awarded for best valence. I never won, being the owner and all, but I do want to share one of my best valences with you:

In addition to seamy costume parties we did talent shows –

Why should you care one way or the other about fun when there are more important things Scientology is supposed to be doing? Well, because it seems to me there aren’t many things more important  than having fun. I asked at the beginning of this entry ‘why so serious?’… and I really believe that’s a critical question. Sure, some of you out there actually believe that you are engaged in an eternal struggle with evil SP’s and a menacing, destructive, shadowy mind-thing that “keys you in” whenever some random set of events sparks it into gear. And others of you might be all serious and concerned that unless you get to whatever End Phenomena you so urgently believe you need before your “meat body” dies, that you’ll be doomed to starting over again from scratch next lifetime.

Yeah… well… sure. That’s important… -ish. But does it all have to happen like right now? How about the concept that finding a group of people who share your love of exploring the mind but don’t demand that you pony up all your free money, turn your kids over to a maniacal guy in a sailor suit for a billion years and don’t require you to spend endless hours and dollars revealing all the terrible things you’ve done? Which, by the way, they write down and keep in a locked room.

So here’s my question – are you having fun in Scientology? Not the forced fun of going to events and giving standing ovations to the Chairman of the Board while cheering gleefully. But, you know… fun? The rough, sometimes dirty, often ridiculous fun of youth and wildness. More and more…. during my final few years being a professional Scientologist I saw an increasing level of disapproval from the management hierarchy when it came to fun. Whether it was silly orders to not go see ‘The Exorcist”   because you might get keyed in (yes, that really happened in LA) or the assertion that if your kids (or you) played Dungeons & Dragons you could restimulate some of the hidden horrors lurking in your Reactive Mind… waiting to lay you low and hinder your progress up the Bridge. And now ‘good Scientologists’ don’t surf the net without some nanny-bot program protecting you from all the fun that anonymous protesters are having.

Do they let Scientologists surf for porn? Good God! If that had been available in my era I’d probably have had to restrict access for 90% of my staff. Not for me… of course. I have self-control.

I don’t really have a message today for current and ex-Scientologists, just a reminder. If it isn’t easy, if it isn’t fun, then it’s probably not going to end well. That’s true about love. That’s true about finding your vocation. That’s true about friendship. Those things always feel easy… feel light… make you smile from the joy of exerting and building. And if trying to bring those people and moments of value into your life is a grim chore – then you might just be a little too damned serious about the process of being alive.

Have fun.