I thought you were dead man!

Posted: 13th August 2010 by ensifer in Scientology ~ before the RTC


  1. Victoria says:

    That’s SO strange really. Yesterday I came across a picture and a birthday card from my dear friend and twin at Asho Day.

    I believe we’ve lost her too. The real shock was she went only months after I drifted away to the shadows of the blue buildings. Her husband would reveal no details at all. Of course she was on her OT levels… lost a lot of friends during that time. I still don’t know WTF. I must be lucky I was too broke to move on up that time.

    She got the levels for xmas and she was so excited:/

    I haven’t found almost anyone really from the past. Except TL and we were both tickled about that. It was so wonderful to see him alive and kicking and getting into as much trouble as ever;)

    That’s a rowdy lookin’ bunch you got there in that photo, haha.

    • ensifer says:

      Victoria ~

      It wasn’t until fairly recently that I realized connecting with people I had worked and played with made sense. I chose those guys and they chose me…so to speak. For years almost everyone on the internet was anonymous, making connection even more difficult. When I decided – with considerable pushing from Penny Krieger – to do this blog my number one choice was to be clear about who I am. No mystery. Which hopefully opens the lines for others to say hi.

      It’s nice that you and TL reconnected. From his comments here and on other sites I’ve read he seems like a good person to be in comm with. Hope you find more!


  2. Raindog says:

    Wow glad to hear Steve Surrey is alive and kicking.

    “You know I realize my life has got no guarantee.”


    • steve says:

      Hi Raindog. Yes I am definitely alive and kicking…in deed more than ever. It is extremely interesting that you posted that song lyric. Apparently we know each other quite well. Is that the case?

  3. Dave Adams says:

    You mentioned how “scientology” deals with people who die, I think Mary Sue Hubbards passing in secret is a telling event. Many Scientologists do not know she died of breast cancer in 2002 at the relatively young age of 71.

    And Rons passing, turned into a PR event, and power grab, with many questions unanswered. Marty Rathbun has been hinting lately that he has some further information about that.

    I think we swung the pendulum of the culture of scientology to far in the direction of eschewing “human” feelings, rather than using it to better cope, we tried to pretend we were immune?

    Good that you are finding people alive!

    • Just Me says:


      Well, I’m not dead yet.

      I’d love to not die. I wouldn’t mind getting by with spare parts. Getting restarted every time is a huge hassle.

      Seventy, eighty, ninety years just doesn’t seem like long enough.

      I spent the first half of my life learning stuff. And the second half unlearning it. But I’m still not nearly smart enough.

      Just Me

      • ensifer says:

        //Seventy, eighty, ninety years just doesn’t seem like long enough.//

        I’m not so sure. I’m 60 and I could use a few new parts. Another 20 years and I’ll probably be thinking “let’s start fresh”

    • ensifer says:

      Dave ~

      Believe it or not, dying wasn’t a concern when I was involved. It was rare. Mostly the people were my age, slightly younger or slightly older. I left the CofS when I was 32 and among the total number of Scientologists dying was pretty rare.

      Not so much now. And I’m not seeing the CofS dealing with it well.

  4. Kingair350 says:

    “Each personality in one’s life leaves a mark that is recognizable anywhere. If you haven’t noticed this about your life then you need to get your goddamn TR’s in! You obviously haven’t been paying attention to the most important thing Scientology provided us with… good friends and companions.”

    The above resonated in my heart like 100 Shinto temple bells. Strip away everything else and that’s what’s left. And that’s all that matters. God, I am so glad that someone said that. David, you totally Grock!!!

    The cutain came down on friendships the morning I was having breakfast by myself in the Sandcastle, just observing 2 old timers wistfully reminiscing, the glow between them warm as a campfire. Suddenly this creature materializes beside their table in the form of a 14 year Isreali
    sabra. “Stop talking – you’re wanted in the HGC – now!”

    The above incident played out several other times in minor variations while I was there. That ended my life, my real life with the CofS. Hell, DM could have walked up and head butted me on the nose with less effect than what I witnessed.

    Yes, it truly was about friendships and I owe Scientology for that.

    Dave, you need to rename your blog The ARC Straightwire Site. It’s good stuff for us ol’ fuckers who ain’t dead…yet.

    • ensifer says:

      Kingair ~

      I saw bits and pieces of that at Flag. My attitude was pretty much one of not responding to BS. The kids who were the runners and messengers weren’t to blame… as we know… they were pretty much a product of their environment.

      Last time I was at Flag was 1981 and it was still somewhat relaxing.

      Thanks for the kind words… and for coming back for more.


  5. Just thought I would jump in here. Hey, Steve, remember when Tina Shaperio asked you to audit me when you were on the BC? I also heard from someone about 6 years ago, that you had moved onto your next life. Well done on being ALIVE! Tina and Jack both left SCN, many years ago. Good to know, you are well and thank your for the free student auditing, back in the day!

    David’s blog is very cool. He know’s how to communicate, for sure and I’m thrilled he has created this spot.
    There are many people from the past that I would like to know about or hear that they are OK. Anyone out there with the initials, JF? Would love to say hi.

    Victoria and TL. I have seen your posts and enjoyed. Warmest ARC to you both. TL, we are on the same page on 911. Spend a year reading about that and wow…talk about TA. Lost in the abyss.

  6. Tara says:

    Nice post. We do come back in various and sometimes sundry ways. mwahahaha What’s odd is to come back and see people you used to know who don’t know you anymore. ARC is ultimate and I appreciate you appreciating people. They could be me.